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June 2, 2012
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When the noise under your bed's just a little too scary,
You'd scream,
"Mommy, Daddy, a monster's coming to get me!"
So they'd check under your bed so you would see
That the monster in your room was only in your dreams.

We live in a world of lies.
What really happens when you turn out the lights
And half the world goes dark for the night?
None of us really knows what's right.

It's a world of destruction,
Chaos,
And corruption
That we allow ourselves to divulge in.
And the sad thing is it's like a suction.
Sadder yet,
We  allow ourselves to be sucked in.
Do you want your child, your baby girl, to ask,
"What's sex and seduction?"
Put two and two together to make the deduction;
Media's about to make an eruption.

My writing teacher once said,
"Ouija boards don't talk to the dead!"
It took me a while to get it through my head
That maybe he's right...
But I tried it instead.

It's so hard to see the truth anymore.
Kids younger and smaller are looking at porn.
Is this the reason we, humans, were born?
To satisfy ourselves in guilty pleasures galore--
Or have the media use our heads as there store?
Maybe,
I think,
There could be something more.
:iconmysticstar875:
I actually wrote this a while back. I've been having internet issues so I haven't been able to post anything lately. But now things are better, so I'm able to post things. And I hope to be posting a lot soon.

--

So this is basically about how society and media has an impact on us, from when we were kids and afraid of the monsters under our bed, to making us curious about things we shouldn't be. Like Ouija boards and pornagraphy. Just my thoughts on the matter.

Everything that came out into this poem wasn't really structured. Though I tried to make it as flowing and rhythmic as possible, there isn't a particular "rhyming scheme". It's best read alloud. So....I guess spoken word. But not quite. I originally had this poem written in paragraphs, but decided to space it out a bit on account of most people's understanding of poetry. I really look at Levi the Poet as a model to base poetry off of. He's a huge rolemodel for me :)
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:iconmrsandman5023:
Excellent! I was reading it it felt like the poem was making me increase the tempo as I was reading. It has an excellent message and representation of what I feel is the egocentric pleasure driven society that we live in along with the disbelief and loss of wonder. that comes with age. I understand that the intent was to highlight the illicit curiosities that people tend to develop from childhood (parents checking for monsters and implying that they exist just by the act of looking), but still I feel that this poem could be picked apart for hours, to see every angle. Beautiful symbolism, very appropriate rhythm, and perfect wording. I'll definitely be reading the artist's other work, and look forward to future works.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconaillin1:
The story conveys a strongly thought provoking aspect of human nature. It relates the corruption of the human mind with greed and pleasure. It also speaks to me personally of morality, of the corrupt evil passion of human nature that many of us try to conceal, or others try to hard to feed.

I make the following 5 star ratings out of honest objectivity of the work provided. I wish to convey to it's author that the work was entertaining and insightful.
I share my personal opinion with the objective conclusion of the work.

Thank you very much for your time.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icontigueron:
~Tigueron Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, that was very good!! The flow and everything was nice and consistent. Great job!
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:iconmysticstar875:
~Mysticstar875 Jan 27, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you, I really appreciate it :3
Reply
:iconc-allagash:
:wow:

I am speechless.
At least, everything that could have been said was already said.

Congratulations for the critiques. It's the very first time I see 5 stars in all categories... and twice!
But you really deserve it.
Excellent theme, with a good reflexction about and brilliantly written.
I surrender. I'll have to watch you!
Reply
:iconmysticstar875:
~Mysticstar875 Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
Oh my gosh, thank you! x3
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:iconnikikt:
~nikikt Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really appreciate the viewpoint of this. We do live in a hyper-sexual society, and by the end of the day, my opinion is it does not benefit the individual or the masses. Excellent work, if just for the idea! (and trust me, I was not just blown away by the idea but the quality of how it was displayed!)
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:iconmysticstar875:
~Mysticstar875 Aug 17, 2012  Student Writer
I really appreciate your comment. It was really thought out and well-put. I'm glad the point got across to you and made you think... and I really appreciate the feedback on the quality. I really tried on this one. :)
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:iconaillin1:
~aillin1 Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I just wanted to say that is poem is traditional form, not free verse.

It is a very well patterned and written work.
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:iconmysticstar875:
~Mysticstar875 Jul 6, 2012  Student Writer
Well I guess because it didn't really have a set pattern I just thought--*beaten*
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:iconaillin1:
~aillin1 Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have been, changed, by events recently. I want to show more gratitude and karma to those who are devoted writers and artists.
Reply
:iconarthurcrow:
*ArthurCrow Jun 29, 2012  Professional Writer
An entertaining and thought provoking read, very well expressed!
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